Star Trek: The Nerdification of Barrin

by **Will Stanton** » Fri May 30, 2014 1:11 am

Most bad Trek episodes are bad because they are awful all the way through. This one sets up a murder mystery, and gives the worst possible answer.

TNG 6x13: Aquiel, or AQUIEL

The DOOOOOG???

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri May 30, 2014 1:13 am

Things Barrin said within the first five minutes: Oh, is this gonna be a The Thing rip-off? Answer, yes but lame.

by **Will Stanton** » Sat May 31, 2014 1:13 am

Oh god, Star Trek does Romance.

TNG 7x14: Sub Rosa, or RONIN

Who'd fall in love with an inanimate object, anyway?

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat May 31, 2014 1:16 am

Ghost. Space Ghost. Sexy Space Ghost. Sexy Space Ghost Rape. Sexy Space Ghost Rape Family Tradition. It's not hard to spot where this episode went off it's supernatural romance rails. But then again, so does most supernatural romance, I guess. Also, the fuck is wrong with you, Beverly, reading your grandmothers "erotic journal entries"? Weird ghost stuff aside that's just fucked up.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Jun 03, 2014 1:08 am

I have serious issues with this episode. Keiko just randomly becomes a teacher? Fleas that make you change color? No characters acting like themselves? Must be season one!

DS9 1x04: A Man Alone, or UNTER VERDACHT

See? I TOLD you people think shifters are freaks.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Jun 03, 2014 1:13 am

UNDER SUSPICION

Keiko, you suck. Bashir, wtf dude, did you have to grow an entire fucking clone in your lab? Also, proteins don't break down into DNA, fuck you Star Trek writers and your utter lack of knowledge about molecular biology. And jinkies! Old Man Jenkins was actually ~~the ghost~~ Ibudan!

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Jun 03, 2014 1:59 am

Banana aardvark ablating. Crest microwave jeans sodium fabric knob rotating. Brass lamp nozzle.

DS9 1x05: Babel, or BABEL

...Bread.

by **Teri Napliotis** » Tue Jun 03, 2014 2:05 am

Concert frog cartridge. Shrimps weather balcony shark-bingo! Union cheque manure storm. Bead energy sardine.

Wool Termite Toast: 434
Race Varnish Toast: 37
Diving Board/Cancer Commitee Chest Toast: 131
Perfume Toast: 40
Pepper Knife Pants Toast: 25

Bus Stop Attic
Oath: -8
Store: -44
Foundation: 127
Tissue'd: 4

by **Altamira Vazquez** » Tue Jun 03, 2014 2:51 am

I feel you, Q. I feel you.

DS9 1x07: Q-Less, or Q--UNERWÜNSCHT

Mo Powers, Mo Problems

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Jun 03, 2014 2:54 am

Q--UNWANTED

Poor omnipotent beings, always so bored.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 1:59 am

A cranky old man, with no real characterization.

DS9 1x15: Progress, or MULLIBOKS MOND

Kira solves things with ~~diplomacy~~ fire.

by **Sara Stanton** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 2:02 am

MULLIBOK'S MOON

In this episode Kira is stubborn and knee-jerky pretty much all the way through. First that stubbornness creates a problem and then her stubbornness solves it and no character growth was had.

Kira's the best character.

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Jun 07, 2014 2:09 am

Hey everyone! Look how awesome the TNG characters are!

DS9 1x17: The Forsaken or PERSÖNLICHKEITEN

Lwaxana in Love!

by **ASHLIE** » Sat Jun 07, 2014 2:12 am

PERSONALITIES

Aww, can we keep the puppy? Little short for an episode of DS9 though.

Code: Select all: >> Selective Memory Filters active... >> Screening out Lwaxana Troi...

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Jun 07, 2014 11:22 pm

Crazy cultists!

DS9 2x15: Paradise, or DAS PARADIESEXPERIMENT

Way to not take a stand, episode.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Jun 07, 2014 11:29 pm

Hahaha, what a fucking cop-out ending. I think I got a solution though. Here we go...

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 12:20 am

Oh boy! More Trill stufzzzzzzzzzzz

DS9 2x17: Playing God, or DER TRILL-KANDIDAT

Wait, a protouniverse threatening to destroy reality was the B-Plot?

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 12:28 am

Oh. My. God. That guy was the personification of boring. No wonder he wants a symbiont so he can actually have a personality.

Meanwhile, some stuff about a new universe getting dumped in the Gamma Quadrant or something.

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 1:15 am

Boy, I never saw this when it was "Casablanca", nope.

DS9 2x18: Profit and Loss, or PROFIT UND VERLUST

The Cardassian on the left reminds me of Amy Poehler. It is not.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 1:18 am

I like this episode. It totally doesn't break character for Quark to have the occasional thing to stand up for and in fact, that's the only thing that redeems Quark as a character.

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 2:06 am

Barrin loves episodes focusing on the F...C...A.

DS9 3x23: Family Business, or FAMILIENANGELEGENHEITEN

Nice naked scene there with Quark's mom. Excuse me while I vomit.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 2:13 am

Dear Star Trek writers:

That is all.

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 2:59 am

Shakaar, when the walls fell.

DS9 3x24: Shakaar, or SHAKAAR

Not the Kai's finest hour.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 3:05 am

Kira: I got a crush on Shakaar now. *blows out memorial candle for her dead boyfriend*

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Jun 09, 2014 12:35 am

You've been caught up in the! SAD ODO.

DS9 4x13:
Crossfire, or EMOTIONEN

GOD, that was a one-note episode. "Odo is sad. Odo is really sad. Hey, look, it's Odo, and he's sad."

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Jun 09, 2014 12:38 am

Sad Odo in space. Shakaar still bereft of any character. Quark still hiding his heart of gold. There, saved you 42 mostly boring minutes.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Jun 10, 2014 2:46 am

Time to send in the strikebusters, boys!

DS9 4x16: Bar Association, or DER STREIK

Karl Marx--the least funny of the Marx brothers.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Jun 10, 2014 3:01 am

As far as Ferengi episodes go this one wasn't horrible!

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Jun 12, 2014 12:14 am

DONK DONK

DS9 4x18: Rules of Engagement, or DAS GEFECHT

Worf is a very silent person when he's on trial for murder.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Jun 12, 2014 12:16 am

In this Worf episode about Worf he has about three lines of dialogue. No wonder he marries Jadzia, they have that in common.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Jun 12, 2014 1:06 am

We are the USS Bad Idea, sir!

DS9 6x22: Valiant, or VALIANT

They blowed up good.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Jun 12, 2014 1:11 am

Captain Douchenozzle of the USS Wolverines, reporting for a field demotion. Also, Technically Nog should have outranked all those newbies and how the hell did Acting Captain Fuckface promote him to Cadet? Get your procedural shit together, Red Squad.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Jun 12, 2014 1:59 am

Ezri, I'm hoooome! To MURDER.

DS9 7x11: Prodigal Daughter, or DIE VERLORENE TOCHTER

Good at MURDERING.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Jun 12, 2014 2:20 am

Ezri's mom's a bitch. Also, this episode should have just been about Miles entirely. Fuck Ezri's dumbass family.

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Jun 16, 2014 2:06 am

ASHLIE, don't kill all of us.

VOY 2x13: Prototype, or PROTOTYP

Those are the worst costumes I've ever seen on Star Trek

by **ASHLIE** » Mon Jun 16, 2014 2:08 am

Even I was bored by these things. Prototype Unit zero...zero.....zero........one........ is ready to fall asleep.

by **Altamira Vazquez** » Mon Jun 16, 2014 2:55 am

You are DOING IMMORTALITY WRONG.

VOY 2x18: Death Wish, or TODESSEHNSUCHT

Your white-hot room sucks.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Jun 16, 2014 2:59 am

The Q Continuum, a shitty road-side gas station full of mute people. Fuck off, Voyager.

Red Shirt Count: 434
Actual Death Count: 38 (Oh bye Q)
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 131
Cameo Count: 41 (Oh hi Riker)
Shut Up Wesley Count: 25

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -44
People: 127
Janeway'd: 5 (Janeway'd so fucking hard, I'm tempted to count it twice. How about asking the friendly Q to take you home before you let him kill himself?)

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Jun 17, 2014 12:51 am

In this episode, Janeway STRAIGHT UP MURDERS A DUDE.

VOY 2x24: Tuvix, or TUVIX

Seriously, that's jumping across the moral line there. Tuvok and Neelix were, essentially, dead. You can't kill a guy to bring dead people back--that's called necromancy.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Jun 17, 2014 12:56 am

<Janeway> "I'm gonna kill that guy so hard that two other dudes are gonna fall out."

<Everyone Else> "I'd say something but Janeway is fucking crazy and I don't want to be next."

Red Shirt Count: 434
Actual Death Count: 39 (Just killing people off in cold blood, that's the JaneWay™.)
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 131
Cameo Count: 41
Shut Up Wesley Count: 25

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -44
People: 127 (-1 Tuvok, -1 Neelix, +1 Tuvix, -1 Tuvix, +1 Tuvok, +1 Neelix)
Janeway'd: 5

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