Star Trek: The Nerdification of Barrin

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Apr 13, 2014 2:03 am

Wow, DS9. Just...wow.

DS9 6x24: Time's Orphan, or DAS ZEITPORTAL

HOW MANY WAYS CAN YOU TRAVEL THROUGH TIME?!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Apr 13, 2014 2:05 am

THE TIME PORTAL

What I wanna know is who builds these things!? There has to be a race of aliens going around abandoning these things on planets just to troll people. Speaking of trolling people, way to not commit to your own story, DS9 and Deus Ex Portal this.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Apr 17, 2014 1:34 am

HOT CHAKOTAY-JANEWAY ACTION

VOY 2x25: Resolutions, or ENTSCHEIDUNGEN

That was just a regular spider monkey, not a space spider-monkey!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Apr 17, 2014 1:37 am

"I have a plan that's sure to raise moral. Mutiny!" - Harry Kim, Professional Doofus and ~~Village~~ Ship Idiot

Red Shirt Count: 426
Actual Death Count: 34
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -38 (-3 Torpedoes)
People: 128
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Apr 17, 2014 2:24 am

Sexy, Klingon mating rituals!

VOY 3x16: Blood Fever, or PON FARR

Starring the Doctor, as Holo-Pimp.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Apr 17, 2014 2:26 am

Star Trek and Sex are never a good mixture. At least they narrowly avoided a "He has to rape her to save her life" resolution. Good lord.

Also, dun dun dun dun-du-dun-dun *chimes!*

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Apr 18, 2014 1:47 am

B'Elanna and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

VOY 4x03: Day of Honor, or TAG DER EHRE

Tom and B'Elanna totally double jinxed that.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Apr 18, 2014 1:51 am

Man, what a bunch of asshole alien bums.

Red Shirt Count: 426
Actual Death Count: 34
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -5 (-1 Where are these shuttles coming from!?)
Torpedoes: -38
People: 128
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Apr 18, 2014 2:40 am

TO THE SCIENCEMOBILE!

DS9 4x07: Scientific Method, or VERWERFILCHE EXPERIMENTE

God damn it, Black Air!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Apr 18, 2014 2:54 am

Those bubbles in a DNA molecule are models, you can't put a bar code on a fucking electron cloud? What the fuck!

And they didn't account for one thing. That Janeway already was insane before they shoved probes into her skull.

Red Shirt Count: 427 (+1 Good job performing CPR on someone suffering from hugely increased blood pressure, Janeway.)
Actual Death Count: 34
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -5
Torpedoes: -38
People: 127 (-1 random crew member)
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Apr 19, 2014 2:56 am

Harry's so boring, he has no interesting phobias to explore.

VOY 4x13: Waking Moments, or WACHE MOMENTE

Harry's so repressed, his nightmare is kissing a girl.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Apr 19, 2014 3:03 am

This entire episode could have been solved with no problem whatsoever if the Doctor had remembered that he could beam down into the sleep cavern himself.

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Apr 20, 2014 2:22 am

OMEGA?!

VOY 4x21: The Omega Directive, or DIE OMEGA DIREKTIVE

Omega is a greek letter. So is Alpha. We're going home! -- Harry

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Apr 20, 2014 2:25 am

It's Janeway or the highway! And the word Omega has lost all meaning to me. Omega, omegaomegaome Ga. Omega omegaomega, omega Omega! Omega.

Like, Oh meh ga, you guys!

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Apr 22, 2014 2:29 am

Do-di-do-di-do, inspector gadget.

VOY 5x10: Counterpoint, or KONTRAPUNKT

I hate telepaths.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Apr 22, 2014 2:33 am

You can't bluff Janeway. She's got plot immunity. I knew something was up when she agreed to change her plan. Janeway never listens to what anybody else has to say. She only barely listens to screaming matches with Seven.

Red Shirt Count: 427
Actual Death Count: 34
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -7 (Look, you can't just send off two shuttles you don't have!)
Torpedoes: -40 (Pew! Pew! Schrödinger's torpedoes away!"
People: 127
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Apr 24, 2014 2:08 am

Look friends! The Sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? NO! It's...

CAPTAIN PROTON!

VOY 5x12: Bride of Chaotica! or CHAOTICAS BRAUT

Oh no! How will Captain Proton get out of THIS one! Stay tuned to the next... ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN PROTON!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Apr 24, 2014 2:42 am

Well, that was incredibly goofy.

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Apr 26, 2014 12:55 am

OK, less goofy, more Vulcans!

VOY 5x13: Gravity, or SCHWERE

The countdown doesn't work when it's over two days.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Apr 26, 2014 12:59 am

What is it with Sci-Fi shit and "Love" being bad? Seriously, that was some Star Wars Prequel shit right there.

Red Shirt Count: 427
Actual Death Count: 34
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8 (Yet another shuttle down the drain)
Torpedoes: -40
People: 127
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Apr 26, 2014 2:30 am

And so they all died.

VOY 5x14: Bliss, or EUPHORIE

That sure is a space-mouth.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Apr 26, 2014 2:33 am

So THIS explains everything stupid that happened from here on out, especially the dumbass finale of the show. They never actually made it out of that thing, right? Right?

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Apr 29, 2014 12:22 am

So, SEVEN was the witch?

VOY 6x09: The Voyager Conspiracy, or DIE VOYAGER-KONSPIRATION

Really, 152 scum is too many for a game.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Apr 29, 2014 12:24 am

Stardate 52-blud-di-blah, Seven downloads too many Mafia threads into her brain and accidentally proves how gullible both the Captain and the First Officer are.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Apr 29, 2014 1:10 am

Experience the holocaust, now in BRAIN-O-VISION

VOY 6x14: Memorial or DAS MAHNMAL

Roland needs one of these.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Apr 29, 2014 1:19 am

Let's hope Mira doesn't decide to turn the Lighthouse into one of these.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Apr 29, 2014 2:04 am

You know, Voyager, if you're going to do this episode, you need to FOLLOW UP.

VOY 6x20: Good Shepherd, or DER GUTE HIRTE

Hey, it's Tom Morello! Hi, Tom Morello!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Apr 29, 2014 2:06 am

And we continue to establish that Bajorans are just plain bad at everything that isn't ~~terrorism~~ freedom-fighting.

Red Shirt Count: 427
Actual Death Count: 34
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -41 (Barrin can't be assed to do this herself)
People: 127
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Wed Apr 30, 2014 1:51 am

Go speed racer, go speed racer, go speed racer gooo!

VOY 7x03: Drive, or DAS RENNEN

Wait, so there are official Starfleet rally uniforms now?

by **Nailah Weaver** » Wed Apr 30, 2014 1:55 am

Oh Harry, at least you kinda saved the day. With morse-code no less, you gullible boy scout.

Red Shirt Count: 427
Actual Death Count: 34
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -42 (Oh no, we have to conserv--ah fuck it, fire one to start a fucking race, who cares at this point)
People: 127
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Fri May 02, 2014 12:24 am

And now we're trapped in a starless void....again!

VOY 7x15: The Void, or DIE LEERE

I bet the "Close Encounters" theme is a REALLY nasty swear word.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri May 02, 2014 12:29 am

This species is native to this empty void in which no matter exists. Yeah, sure Voyager, that's how things work.

Red Shirt Count: 427
Actual Death Count: 34
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -44 (Same old non-existent torpedoes)
People: 127
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Fri May 02, 2014 11:50 pm

Doctor > Rest of the crew combined

VOY 7x24: Renaissance Man, or RENAISSANCE MENSCH

All thirteen!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri May 02, 2014 11:55 pm

Doctor/Seven OTP They should just put everyone else in stasis again and the Command Hologram and Seven would have them home in no time.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue May 06, 2014 2:29 am

Space racism saves the day once again!

TOS 1x09: What Are Little Girls Made Of?, or DER ALTE TRAUM

To every thing (turn, turn, turn)

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue May 06, 2014 2:34 am

THE OLD DREAM

The... old dream of replacing people with androids? And then having them go crazy for no apparent reason? I guess? I don't even know. This episode had issues. But it also had space dungarees and Kirk whacking an android with a rock that looked suspiciously like a penis. Overall I rate this episode: Hilarious

Red Shirt Count: 429 (+2 Red Shirts because fuck you, that's why)
Actual Death Count: 34
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -44
People: 127
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Wed May 07, 2014 2:51 am

The ~~Will Stanton~~ Captain Kirk Scientific Method

1. See a shiny thing
2. Go, "ooh, shiny thing!"
3. Hypothesize that it would be wicked awesome to see what the shiny thing does
4. Experiment shiny thing on self
5. Go "woah, that was dumb"
6. Repeat

TOS 1x10: Dagger of the Mind, or DER ZENTRALNERVENSYSTEMMANIPULATOR

Jesus Christ that's a long word.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Wed May 07, 2014 2:57 am

THE CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM MANIPULATOR

Holy shit, I can't believe after how freaking stupid they made Dr. Helen Noel she actually got to kick some ass and save the day. She's clearly working in the wrong field, put her in security.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu May 08, 2014 1:50 am

"Jim, what will you do if he IS Kodos?"

"I dunno, arrest him, probably?"

TOS 1x12: The Conscience of the King, or KODOS DER HENKER

DO YOU SEE HOW THIS WAS LIKE HAMLET.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu May 08, 2014 1:53 am

KODOS THE EXECUTIONER

Everybody in this episode was god damn stupid. This was stupid. No amount of Hamlet makes up for how stupid this was. Bonus Stupid: Shakespeare is not older than the stars. Are you on crack, Lady? What the hell.

Red Shirt Count: 429
Actual Death Count: 36 (One dead Phantom of the Space Opera and one dead Old Murderer Dude)
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -44
People: 127
Janeway'd: 4

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