Star Trek: The Nerdification of Barrin

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Jan 06, 2014 1:33 am

Oh no, Seska!

VOY 2x20: Investigations, or DER VERRÄTER

Phew. I thought Tom Paris was the traitor!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Jan 06, 2014 1:40 am

Watching this I wondered if Paris leaving the ship was a ploy to pant him on a Kazon ship. Then I told myself "Nah, Chipotle was honestly pissed and that's a stupid plan anyway.". Then this happened and to top it off it was told through the lens of Voyager's Jar-Jar Binks. Booo!

Red Shirt Count: 425
Actual Death Count: 34 (+1 named character appearing in multiple episodes)
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -31
People: 128 (-1 traitor)
Janeway'd: 3

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Jan 06, 2014 2:28 am

Oh no, Grand Theft Seska!

VOY 2x26: Basics, Part I, or DER KAMPF UMS DASEIN, TEIL I

Well, with the hologram and the murderer on board, the average competency level has shot through the roof.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Jan 06, 2014 2:32 am

THE BATTLE FOR EXISTENCE

Thanks to Maje Discount-Klingon for reminding us that all of this is Janeway's fault for not telling them how to replicate some freaking food. Also, with Janeway off the ship I expect Seska to fly into the Alpha Quadrant within a week.

Red Shirt Count: 426 (+1 random bridge dude)
Actual Death Count: 34
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -34 (-3 Non-existent torpedoes)
People: 127 (-1 red-shirt)
Janeway'd: 4 (+1 For getting everyone double-stranded)

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Jan 06, 2014 3:23 am

Oh no, Deadska!

VOY 3x01: Basics, Part II, or DER KAMPF UMS DASEIN, TEIL II

I like how the Doctor, Paris, and Suder were more competent than the other 120+ members of the crew combine.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Jan 06, 2014 3:35 am

They managed to start a fire! And scavenge some eggs! And good riddance to the Kazon.

Red Shirt Count: 426 (+2 crew-members)
Actual Death Count: 34 (+2 Seska and Suder)
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -34
People: 124 (-3 people)
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Jan 07, 2014 3:32 am

I hope I can finish this post before I'm translwhooosh

VOY 3x24: Displaced, or TRANSLOKALISATION

That is one HELL of a German word, good lord.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Jan 07, 2014 3:34 am

An interesting concept with bit of a lacking execution but still pretty neat. Reminded me a bit of that TOS episode with the library of all the different places/planets.

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Jan 10, 2014 2:51 am

Oh no, Holoseska!

VOY 3x25: Worst Case Scenario, or REBELLION ALPHA

Yeah, take shots at TNG in your closeout, you smug bastards.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Jan 10, 2014 3:39 am

At least the Holodeck malfunction had a reasonable (if surprisingly sophisticated) explanation.

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Jan 10, 2014 3:39 am

In this episode, Seven is a multiple systems.

VOY 5x07: Infinite Regress, or DAS VINCULUM

Otherwise known as "make Jeri Ryan make all the funny faces"

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Jan 10, 2014 3:42 am

THE TECHNOBABBLE-WORD

All episodes involving Seven, the Doctor and Naomi Wildman are automatically better than other Voyager episodes.

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Jan 11, 2014 3:36 am

I'll give Voyager credit for this--sometimes, they came up with really fascinating ideas, THEN flubbed them.

VOY 5x09: Thirty Days, or DREIßIG TAGE

And Harry STILL can't buy a promotion.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Jan 11, 2014 4:27 am

The weekly Janeway characterization chart. Please pick one each.

[x] Offers Technology freely
[ ] Would rather self-destruct Voyager than teach someone how to replicate sandwiches

[ ] Protects the crew at all costs - Momma Bear Mode
[x] Strict regulations - Super Starfleet Mode

[x] Prime Directive
[ ] Schmime DIrective

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Jan 12, 2014 1:38 am

Oh, I'm sure we haven't seen the last of THESE guys.

VOY 6x07: Dragon's Teeth, or DIE ZÄHNE DES DRACHEN

*never hears from them again*

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Jan 12, 2014 1:44 am

"This could shave years off of our journey!"

*it doesn't*

*repeat for seven seasons*

Red Shirt Count: 426
Actual Death Count: 34
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -35 (-1 Still wasting those non-existent torpedoes)
People: 124
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Jan 12, 2014 2:29 am

Booorg babies, you make our dreams come truuue....boooorg babies, Voyager's wasting it's time on yoooou.

VOY 6x16: Collective, or DAS KOLLEKTIV

Harry, you idiot, if you're not returning, you don't need to mark your path!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Jan 12, 2014 2:33 am

It's the Borglings! Also, did they just leave a totally harmless and unmanned Borg cube behind instead of, you know, trying to salvage their transwarp drive stuff? Hell they could have abandoned Voyager and hijacked the cube to transwarp into the Alpha Quadrant.

Red Shirt Count: 426
Actual Death Count: 34
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -35
People: 128 (+4 Borglings)
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Jan 12, 2014 3:27 am

Sing, o muse, of wise Torres, trapped on a world not her own.

VOY 6x22: Muse, or DIE MUSE

Sing of Kim, entirely useless to the plot and forgotten.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Jan 12, 2014 3:29 am

Sing, oh muse, of the massive violation of the prime directive, just to end a stupid play on a special effects note.

Interesting idea for an episode, kind of meh in the execution.

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Jan 13, 2014 3:34 am

SEX! Now that I've gotten, your attention, Star Trek: Voyager!

VOY 7x07: Body and Soul, or KÖRPER UND SEELE

Of all the episodes of Star Trek: Voyager, this was one of them. WHY is Holosex now canon.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Jan 13, 2014 3:39 am

Someone mixed up the script with some bad fanfic, right? And no one pointed it out? That's what happened, yes?

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Jan 14, 2014 3:12 am

Oh no, Chrono-Seska!

VOY 7x11: Shattered, or ZERSPLITTERT

Can't tell you what I thought of this one. Temporal Prime Directive.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Jan 14, 2014 3:17 am

That was a neat idea and watching Seven kick butt is awesome. Chipotle is still a lame character though.

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Jan 17, 2014 3:22 am

And now back to the adventures of Archer, diplomat by accident.

ENT 3x18: Azati Prime, or AZATI PRIME

Seriously, the only reason any of this will work is because Archer is shitty at stealth.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Jan 17, 2014 3:47 am

Archer is the fucking worst. "Oh hey, my attempt to blow up your ship didn't work, let's talk diplomacy instead. Hey, why don't you belieeeve me!?"

Meanwhile Time-Cop Daniels slams his head into a bulkhead repeatedly.

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Jan 18, 2014 3:21 am

Archer, you massive dick-tool.
ENT 3x19: Damage, or BESCHÄDIGUNGEN

Have you ever heard of asking for transport?

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Jan 18, 2014 3:23 am

"Oh hey if you can't spare your warp coil could you maybe take me to this place a couple hours away from here?"

There, I solved your moral dilemma, Archer. No need to fucking steal their shit and strand them three years away from home.

Red Shirt Count: 443 (+17)
Actual Death Count: 34
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 127
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -35
People: 128
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Jan 18, 2014 4:06 am

For the eighteen!

(Seventeen, sir)

Oh, I'm sure someone else will die soon enough.

ENT 3x20: The Forgotten, or DIE VERGESSENEN

Seriously, though, this is one of the better acting performances, so a cookie for Trip.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Jan 18, 2014 4:12 am

Man, those guys bought into Archer's side of the stories fast and immediately blew up one of their own ships.

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Jan 20, 2014 12:39 am

Hey, remember [TOS EPISODE]? Well, I bet you'd like [ENTERPRISE EPISODE]!

ENT 4x12: Babel One, or BABEL

Woah-oh, the Tellarites.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Jan 20, 2014 12:41 am

We've placed the species that insults everyone all the time on the same spaceship as the species that gets angry all the time and put Archer in charge of handling them. Let's see what happens...

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Jan 20, 2014 3:03 am

If only we had some sort of...FEDERATION. UNITING our people.

ENT 4x13: United, or VEREINIGT

Some kind of FEDERATION OF PLANETS.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Jan 20, 2014 3:07 am

This was the first episode of Enterprise that felt like Star Trek.

Also, I'm amused by the fact that the Tellurians appear to be the Space Dwarves to the Vulcan's Space Elves.

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Jan 27, 2014 12:16 am

Oh no Albinos!

ENT 4x14: The Aenar, or DIE AENAR

Man, the Romulans went down easy.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Jan 27, 2014 12:22 am

Telepaths are OP.

I kinda liked the Aenar though. And the Andoreans in general. Guess a slightly "stranger" species is kinda neat for regular interaction. And it's a nice break visually from the standard fore-head-ridged aliens.

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Jan 27, 2014 3:37 am

Woo! Animation!

TAS 1x06: The Survivor, or DER ÜBERLEBENDE

Woo! That mustache!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Jan 27, 2014 3:39 am

Great idea for an episode, horrible animation as usual. The funky aliens in the Animated Series are always neat though. It's just the animation that really drops the ball.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Jan 28, 2014 2:23 am

Back to the '60s!

TOS 1x23: A Taste of Armageddon, or KRIEG DER COMPUTER

ASHLIE, stop destroying entire civilizations.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Jan 28, 2014 3:47 am

WAR OF THE COMPUTERS

That was... kind of stupid. And I couldn't help but feel that if this had been done in one of the more recent series it would have ended with the other planet being just computers left after everyone died a long time ago, going through the motions of calculating casualties for the other side.

Who is online