Star Trek: The Nerdification of Barrin

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Oct 05, 2013 3:12 am

Will Stanton wrote:I'm almost POSITIVE I read a Star Wars novel like this once.

That's because there's, like, 8 super-weapons in various Star Wars novels.

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 2:11 am

Ah, nice to have everything wrapped up in a nice little package.

ENT 3x24: Zero Hour, or STUNDE NULL

Yup, Captain Archer was saved by... NAZIS.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 2:15 am

Suddenly, Nazis.

Red Shirt Count: 416 (+1 Random Security Dude)
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 126
Cameo Count: 38
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -1
People: 138
Janeway'd: 2

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 3:03 am

And we don't need to resolve that Nazi-based cliffhanger. We've got space to explore!

VOY 1x07: Eye of the Needle, or DAS NADELÖHR

Yup, just seven episodes in, and we're already resorting to Alpha Quadrent species to bump ratings.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 3:12 am

Seven episodes in and there's already time-travel bullshit.

Also, don't worry about that name thing, Doctor. We'll get riiight on that.

Red Shirt Count: 416
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 126
Cameo Count: 38
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -1
People: 138
Janeway'd: 3 (The precious timeline!)

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 1:02 am

Prisoner go down the hooooole.

VOY 3x03: The Chute, or DAS HOCHSICHERHEITSGEFÄNGNIS

On a prison...on the edge of space.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 1:07 am

Wow, Janeway gives zero fucks about you if you're not part of Voyager's crew.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Wed Oct 09, 2013 8:48 pm

Alright, it's been a while since the original ranking and it's time for some updated ones.

Series
The Next Generation
Deep Space Nine
Voyager
Original Series
Enterprise
Animated Series

Series
Deep Space Nine
The Next Generation
Voyager
Original Series
Animated Series
Enterprise

I think I'm enjoying DS9 more consistently over TNG even if they go a little too far into darker or more morally questionable themes sometimes.
Enterprise continues to disappoint and isn't even entertainingly bad as the Animated Series is.

Captains
Picard
Sisko
Kirk
Archer
Janeway

Captains
Picard
Sisko
Kirk
Janeway
Archer

Picard continues to hold out over Sisko while Janeway makes bit of a comeback. Mainly because I agree with Mulgrew's interpretation of Janeway suffering from BPD or some kind of psychosis which, while unintended, totally fits and makes her at least a little more interesting. Meanwhile Archer continues to do his best to fuck up the establishing of the Federation while somehow being instrumental in it's creation.

First Officers
Riker
Spock
Kira
T'pol
Chakotay

First Officers
Kira
Riker
Spock
T'pol
Chakotay

Not too much change here except for Kira shooting to the top for being awesome. At least if you ignore it when she goes full-on Bajoran.

Doctors
McCoy
Emergency Medical Hologram Mark 1
Bashir
Phlox
Crusher

Doctors
Emergency Medical Hologram Mark 1
Bashir
Crusher
McCoy
Phlox

The EMH is consistently more awesome and interesting than McCoy's drinking problem is hilarious. Meanwhile (later seasons) Bashir is hilarious, especially his bromance with O'Brien. Crusher has had some chances to be competent and do cool stuff and with the only other female main character being Troi that scores her a lot of points.

Engineers
Scotty
LaForge
O'Brien
Torres
Tucker

Engineers
LaForge
O'Brien
Scotty
Torres
Tucker

Geordie rocks the techno-babble and often comes packaged with Data while O'Brien is the best Wooby.

Ships
Defiant
Enterprise-D
Enterprise
NX-01
Voyager

Ships
Defiant
Enterprise-D
Voyager
Enterprise
NX-01

No change here except that Voyager pulls past the NX-01 because I actually kinda like Voyager's design and the NX-01 gets points docked for being in Enterprise.

Most Annoying Character
TOS: Chekov
TNG: Wesley
DS9: Jake
VOY: Janeway
ENT: They're all kinda bland

Most Annoying Character
TOS: Chekov
TNG: Troi's Mother
DS9: Keiko
VOY: Neelix
ENT: Archer

Archer is starting to annoy me with how ~*Special*~ for the timeline he supposedly is while showing no signs of competence by himself. Neelix has been very sparse but the few times we did see him he was seriously annoying. I'm also not a fan of Kes but she doesn't quite reach Neelix levels of annoying. Keiko just pisses me off for being every Overbearing Wife stereotype ever while Troi's mom never fails to be a bitch.

Best Character
TOS: Kirk
TNG: Picard (Riker as the permanent 2nd place)
DS9: Garak
VOY: Emergency Medical Hologram Mark 1
ENT: They're all kinda bland

Best Character
TOS: Spock
TNG: Picard (Riker as the permanent 2nd place)
DS9: Kira
VOY: Seven of Nine (EMH as a close second)
ENT: Phlox I guess? Maybe Archer's dog?

While Garak is awesome Kira has more screentime in which to be awesome and thus is pulling past him. I'm really enjoying 7/9 and the Doctor every time they get to interact and it's hard to pick a favourite but Seven actually calls Janeway out on her bullshit so she wins. Meanwhile on Enterprise everyone is still hella boring.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Oct 10, 2013 12:35 am

Barrin's been waiting for these ones.

VOY 4x18: The Killing Game or DAS TÖTUNGSSPIEL, TEIL I

NAZIS!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Oct 10, 2013 12:51 am

We're gettin' all World War 2 up in here. First Archer, now Janeway. At least these are only holographic Nazis, though I wouldn't have put it past Voyager to pull time-travel bullshit.

Red Shirt Count: 417 (+1 off-screen red-shirt)
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 126
Cameo Count: 38
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -1
People: 137 (-1)
Janeway'd: 3

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Oct 10, 2013 1:37 am

So..it's a half-Nazi, half-Hologram, half-French, half-Klingon baby?

VOY 4x19: The Killing Game or DAS TÖTUNGSSPIEL, TEIL II

HOLODECKS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Oct 10, 2013 1:45 am

"Borg Technology" is slang for "Space Magic"

Did that Nazi just pep-talk an alien with horrible bigotry?

That holographic border was very inconsistent.

Action Janeway! *ch-chunk* *Blam!*

Fuck da Prime Directive!

~*Voyager*~

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Oct 10, 2013 2:38 am

You only like the Doctor and Seven? FINE. HAVE only Doctor and Seven.

VOY 4x25: One, or EINE

All by myself...don't wanna be...all by myself.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Oct 10, 2013 2:40 am

Everyone is affected except Seven! Borg Implant magic!

Pretty good episode though even if it's awkward, angry, early Seven.

Red Shirt Count: 418 (+1 death-radiation)
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 126
Cameo Count: 38
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -1
People: 137 (-1)
Janeway'd: 3

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Oct 11, 2013 2:03 am

A bit of soul searching never hurt anyone.

VOY 5x01: Night, or NACHT

Captain Proton to the rescue!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Oct 11, 2013 2:12 am

I liked this episode, especially the creepy bits and the void-dwelling aliens. Also, nice to see that is really is Janeway's fault that they're stranded, seeing how it took Chipotle all of 5 minutes to come up with a plan to destroy [thing that takes the closer to home] while still utilizing [thing that takes them closer to home]. Also, seriously? 15 fucking torpedoes to destroy a garbage-barge?

Red Shirt Count: 418
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 126
Cameo Count: 38
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -16 (1 flare shot and 14 shots to destroy a garbage truck)
People: 137
Janeway'd: 3

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Oct 11, 2013 3:04 am

"Seven, arm the borg nanoprobe Torpedoes."

"Captain, we're actually at negative numbers of torp"

"DO AS I SAY."

VOY 5x04: In the Flesh, or IN FLEISCH UND BLUT

Voyager: Seperated from Earth, except for all those times they go to Earth.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Oct 11, 2013 3:11 am

Admiral Boothby

What a weird episode.

Red Shirt Count: 418
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 126
Cameo Count: 39
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -16
People: 137
Janeway'd: 3

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Oct 11, 2013 10:25 pm

MORAL CONUNDRUMS!

VOY 5x11: Latent Image, or VERBORGENE BILDER

Picard'd never pull this shit.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Oct 11, 2013 10:27 pm

HIDDEN IMAGES

Janeway only does shit on Janeway's terms and you're either a human or a replicator.

Red Shirt Count: 419 (+1 No adjusting for inflation)
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 126
Cameo Count: 39
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -16
People: 136
Janeway'd: 3

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Oct 11, 2013 11:14 pm

God, the Borg are just losing people left and right, aren't they?

VOY 6x02: Survival Instinct, o ÜBERLEBENSINSTINKT

Come and knock on our door, we've been waiting for you, where the thoughts are hers and his and his -- three's company too.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Oct 11, 2013 11:15 pm

Admiral Borg!

Naomi Wildman, you are the smartest and most sensible person on the ship.

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Oct 12, 2013 12:11 am

My GOD, is Janeway bad at her job.

VOY 6x19: Child's Play, or ICHEB

That's right, there are the Borglings on this show. I had almost forgotten.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Oct 12, 2013 12:30 am

Borglings. Alright then. I've noticed I'm pretty much always on the same side as Seven here and so far she's always been right. It's like Janeway lost her plot-bending power the moment she came on board cause now she has someone to call her out on her shitty, shitty plans.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Oct 17, 2013 2:04 am

The Doctor in: Shit Janeway Would Do

VOY 7x05: Critical Care, or KRITISCHE VERSORGUNG

THE MORAL IS HEALTH INSURANCE IS EVIL

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Oct 17, 2013 2:08 am

The moral is, always enforce your own way of thinking by any means necessary. It's the JaneWay.

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Oct 19, 2013 2:18 am

Seriously. Doctor and Seven show.

VOY 7x09/7x10: Flesh and Blood, or FLEISCH UND BLUT

I'd call this Voyager's "Measure of a Man", but they've done that twelve times already

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Oct 19, 2013 2:26 am

Look, I like these episodes, Voyager. I really do. Especially if you try to make it a little more interesting by not having it be entirely black and white. But come on, Janeway. How many times have we been over this "holographic people are people too" thing now and you still don't see the Doctor as a person? Also, I love how at the end Janeway comes to terms with how things played out but only on the condition that it ultimately was because of something she did. Because in Janeway's world the only person with any real agency is Janeway. She just calls it "responsibility" to seem less narcissistic.

Red Shirt Count: 420 (+1 Death by sparking console)
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 126
Cameo Count: 39
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -21 (+5 Torpedo Overkill strikes again!)
People: 135
Janeway'd: 3

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 2:39 am

Oh boy, more Bajoran issues!

DS9 2x05: Cardassians, or DIE KONSPIRATION

Garak is still awesome.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 3:07 am

THE CONSPIRACY

And Miles learned a valuable lesson about racism.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Oct 22, 2013 1:57 am

And now, Barrin's favorite series! I'm sure she'll love this one.

DS9 2x07: Rules of Acquisition, or PROFIT ODER PARTNER

Introducing: The Dominion!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Oct 22, 2013 2:03 am

Whelp. Firebomb Ferenginar.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Oct 22, 2013 3:16 am

And now, "How Voyager screwed up things, part 75"

DS9 2x16: Shadowplay, or DIE ILLUSION

We're from the bead planet. We wear beads here.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Oct 22, 2013 3:28 am

God, Voyager, do you have to make bad rip-offs of everything?

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Oct 27, 2013 2:21 am

OBJECTION!

DS9 2x25: Tribunal, or DAS TRIBUNAL

SIDEBAR!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Oct 27, 2013 2:28 am

I rule the Cardassian court system to be incredibly dumb. *stone!*

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Oct 31, 2013 2:52 am

Come to scenic Trill! Home of one building and some damp caves!

DS9 3x04: Equilibrium DAS EQUILIBRIUM

MUUUUUURDDDEEEERRRRR

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Oct 31, 2013 2:58 am

Trill Slugs need some better puddles.

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Nov 01, 2013 12:48 am

Believe him, Sisko! It is your density.

DS9 3x15: Destiny or TREKORS PROPHEZEIUNG

ITE: Bajoran Nostradamus!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Nov 01, 2013 12:55 am

Really, you're surprised that a message sent by aliens that don't have a linear time-line was spot on, Sisko? I mean come on.

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