I9DT - Old Habits

[John Hino]

Having a front row seat for the explosion that took his comrades made it hard for John to hope they were alive somewhere. Finally mourning his parents was hard enough on him without adding more death to it. For now he just wanted a reprieve from the pain. This brought him to the XUB, where he sat down at the bar and ordered a stiff drink.

[Ayami Morita]

"John," Ayami nodded, then hesitated, then sat down next to him.

[John Hino]

He looked quite surprised to see Ayami there and could find nothing to say. The guilt and loss he was there to bury, however, spoke volumes.

[Ayami Morita]

"I'm sorry..." she said, after an awkward pause.

[John Hino]

He looked at her for a long moment as he pieced together just how to react to that.

"I just..." he said before turning to stare at his drink

"... I wasn't good enough..."

[Ayami Morita]

"It's not your fault..."

[John Hino]

"You don't know that."

[Ayami Morita]

"What, you're saying you killed them, then? It's not your fault."

[John Hino]

"But maybe if I knew more about the ship I was flying... then I could have done something..."

[Ayami Morita]

"No one can blame you for--what? Not being an alien?"

[John Hino]

He conceded to her point with a sigh.

"...I feel so damn powerless..."

[Ayami Morita]

"I know, I know...it will be alright, though."

[John Hino]

"Not for their families it won't."

[Ayami Morita]

"They'll be alright, with time."

[John Hino]

"Will they really?" he asked skeptically.

[Ayami Morita]

"Yes."

[John Hino]

"Have you ever... lost anyone?" he asked hesitantly.

[Ayami Morita]

She paused.

"Yes."

[John Hino]

"Then... it does get better?" He was clearly asking this for himself.

[Ayami Morita]

"If you let it."

[John Hino]

"Let it?"

[Ayami Morita]

"Yes. If you let it."

[John Hino]

"And the first step... is to let it hurt?"

[Ayami Morita]

"Yes. Yes, it is. You can't keep it bottled up."

[John Hino]

"Then I..." he said, looking at his yet untouched drink, "...probably shouldn't be here then..."

[Ayami Morita]

"Maybe not."

[John Hino]

"Thank you," he said after an awkward pause.

[Ayami Morita]

"For?"

[John Hino]

"If not for things you said, I..." he said with a pause, "I wouldn't have admitted to myself I had a problem."

[Ayami Morita]

"You've got a TON of problems, John Hino," Ayami smirked.

[John Hino]

He managed a chuckle. "I suppose I do."

[Ayami Morita]

"First step is admitting it."

[John Hino]

"That it is," he said.

He glanced at his drink. "No sense adding another one."

[Ayami Morita]

"That's the spirits."

[John Hino]

"... was that a pun?" he smirked.

[Ayami Morita]

"Maybe."

[John Hino]

"Welcome to the dork side," he teased.

[Ayami Morita]

"Ugh, no."