Star Trek: The Nerdification of Barrin

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 2:33 am

--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Red Shirt Count: 371 (+2 Red Shirts)
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 125
Cameo Count: 38
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -1
People: 138
Janeway'd: 2

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Sep 21, 2013 1:37 am

Hey, remember that scene in Hitchhiker's Guide, where they find the planet which makes planet, and they get attacked by an automated system? Star Trek does!

TNG 1x21: The Arsenal of Freedom, or DIE WAFFENHÄNDLER

It HÄNDLERS WAFFENS.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Sep 21, 2013 1:39 am

Logan you asshat. Jealous much?

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Sep 21, 2013 2:28 am

This is like something out of that twilighty show about that zone.

TNG 2x02: Where Silence Has Lease, or ILLUSION ODER WIRKLICHKEIT

God damn Pulaski, you're a space-racist.

by **Aria Nyx** » Sat Sep 21, 2013 2:30 am

That dimension made perfect sense.

Red Shirt Count: 372 (+1 Red Shirts)
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 125
Cameo Count: 38
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -1
People: 138
Janeway'd: 2

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:11 am

ENERGY BEINGS! ENERGY BEINGS EVERYWHERE!

TNG 3x25: Transfigurations, or WER IST JOHN?

AMNESIA!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:13 am

Energy beings gotta come form somewhere, I guess. Didn't think they'd look like someone in a Zentai Suit though.

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:58 am

RAAAAAPE GAAAAANGS

TNG 4x06: Legacy, or DIE RETTUNGSOPERATION

It's Yar's sister! We all care about Yar's sister, right?

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 3:02 am

I guess Data does.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 2:39 am

Our third character leaves the show" episode, after Jadzia Dax and Kes!

TNG 4x09: Final Mission, or DIE LETZTE MISSION

Good bye, sweet annoying prince.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 2:48 am

Space-Dad is proud of you, Wesley. At least until you run off with that weird guy in his space-time van.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Sep 26, 2013 1:55 am

If only Picard had asked himself, "What Would Kirk Do?"

TNG 4x13: Devil's Due, or DER PAKT MIT DEM TEUFEL

Picard needs longer shorts.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:02 am

All the gods Kirk ran into probably were just people scamming him.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:50 am

Oh boy! Troi episode! And freaky nightmares!

TNG 4x17: Night Terrors, or AUGEN IN DER DUNKELHEIT

"Dunkelheit" sounds like a nerd's last name.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:52 am

That was pretty creepy for a bit there. And then Troi floated through space and just looked ridiculous.

Red Shirt Count: 406 (+34 Red Shirts)
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 125
Cameo Count: 38
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -1
People: 138
Janeway'd: 2

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Sep 29, 2013 12:48 am

What if Geordi... WAS AN ALIEN!

TNG 4x18: Identity Crisis, or DER UNBEKANNTE SCHATTEN

If you're keeping a computer lock on Geordi, shouldn't the computer tell you when there are problems?

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Sep 29, 2013 12:50 am

Data, why weren't you keeping an eye on Geordi?

Red Shirt Count: 407 (+1 Shuttle go boom)
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 125
Cameo Count: 38
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -1
People: 138
Janeway'd: 2

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Sep 29, 2013 1:37 am

TNG a couple times tried to approach LGBT issues, with...mixed success. Here's attempt #1!

TNG 4x23: The Host or ODAN, DER SONDERBOTSCHAFTER

TRILL DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun Sep 29, 2013 1:38 am

Trill, the LGBTest of the Star Trek races.

Also, Dr. Beverly? Really?

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:30 am

Oooooh boy. Oh boy oh boy. Ooooh boy.

TNG 4x25: In Theory, or DATAS ERSTE LIEBE

You are not my mother!

by **ASHLIE** » Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:33 am

Oh Data... (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

Red Shirt Count: 408 (+1 from catastrophic reality failure)
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 125
Cameo Count: 38
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -1
People: 138
Janeway'd: 2

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Sep 30, 2013 1:26 am

See, Sam, this is why nobody trusts you.

TNG 5x12: Violations, or GEISTIGE GEWALT

Rape rape mcrapey rape.

by **Sara Stanton** » Mon Sep 30, 2013 1:42 am

First of all let me get this out of the way.

Alright, moving right along and past the

and on to the terrible, terrible bit of science that was buried in this episode. Memories are not encoded in RNA, Data. In fact, RNA has fuck all to do with memory. This goes even beyond the standard regular genetic memory non-sense. Later on Crusher also pulls some random abbreviation out of a medical dictionary to explain the comas. And so, this episode beats out Rascals and is crowned

The Most Outstanding Shit-Science Episode of Star Trek Yet

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Sep 30, 2013 2:29 am

More Klingon Crazy!

TNG 5x16: Ethics, or DIE OPERATION

Klingons are dumb in everything. They just said hundreds of warriors have died because they don't know medicine.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Sep 30, 2013 2:42 am

Medicine isn't honorable!

If your ailment can't be cured by administrating punches then you don't deserve to live and should kill yourself.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Oct 01, 2013 2:20 am

Data plays PIcard to Crazy Scientist's Data

TNG 6x09: The Quality of Life, or DATAS HYPOTHESE

They are alive, much like a virus.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Oct 01, 2013 2:27 am

And much like a virus, they lack the quality of being able to reproduce by themselves, which is the standard definition of life. Something Data has done.

Red Shirt Count: 410 (+2 one biological being, one mechanical)
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 125
Cameo Count: 38
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -1
People: 138
Janeway'd: 2

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Oct 01, 2013 3:10 am

KLINGON JESUS CHRIST!

TNG 6x23: Rightful Heir, or DER RECHTMÄßIGE ERBE

That's too many crazy moon letters for one title, Germany! Cut it out!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Oct 01, 2013 3:12 am

Kahless 2: Genetic Boogaloo

I wonder how people would react if someone cloned Jesus and made him pope.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Oct 03, 2013 12:55 am

I now know what Sam's telepathy face looks like, and it's terrifying.

TNG 7x07: Dark Page, or ORT DER FINSTERNIS

Who can't get enough of Troi's mother? Nobody. Nobody can't get enough. Everybody can get enough.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Oct 03, 2013 12:57 am

I'll be damned. Troi did some actual counseling. After Data of all people had to point out the concept of metaphoric images in a dreamscape.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Oct 03, 2013 1:44 am

ALL THE TROI EPISODES.

TNG 7x18: Eye of the Beholder, or DER FALL "UTOPIA PLANETIA"

WorfTroi never freakin' worked.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Oct 03, 2013 1:47 am

Weird telepathy shit all over the place. And Crusher is just making up new neurotransmitters involved in it every time. Also, Trorf.

Red Shirt Count: 414 (+4 Murder/Suicide Boogaloo)
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 125
Cameo Count: 38
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -1
People: 138
Janeway'd: 2

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Oct 03, 2013 2:32 am

Barrin has been chomping at the bit for this one for AGES.

TNG 7x19: Genesis, or ~~MASTER-DRIVE~~...GENESIS

Yup. That's how everything works!

by **Sara Stanton** » Thu Oct 03, 2013 2:36 am

And just like that we have a new Number One.

The Most Wrong Science Episode of Star Trek Yet

INTRONS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD-NIGHT!

Red Shirt Count: 415 (+1)
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 125
Cameo Count: 38
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -1
People: 138
Janeway'd: 2

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 3:00 am

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.... BUT MY TIME IS FINALLY HERE!

ENT 1x26: Shockwave, or DIE SCHOCKWELLE, TEIL I

Way to go, Archer (and Daniels). You've literally destroyed Earth.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 3:02 am

Apparently they're really bad at this time shit.

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Oct 05, 2013 2:18 am

And the thrilling conclusion!

ENT 2x01: Shockwave, Part II, or DIE SHOCKWELLE, TEIL II

I'm going to storm out of this meeting angrily, said the emotionless Vulcan ambassador.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Oct 05, 2013 2:20 am

I wonder how many more Deus Ex Machina's are stored in Crewman Daniels' magical locker.

Red Shirt Count: 415
Actual Death Count: 30
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 126 (+1 pointless shirt-loss)
Cameo Count: 38
Shut Up Wesley Count: 20

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -4
Torpedoes: -1
People: 138
Janeway'd: 2

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Oct 05, 2013 3:06 am

I DO like the Andorian look. It's still fairly awesome.

ENT 3x13: Proving Ground, or TESTGEBIET

I'm almost POSITIVE I read a Star Wars novel like this once.

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