Star Trek: The Nerdification of Barrin

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Jun 17, 2014 1:49 am

How does Voyager celebrate Star Trek's 30th anniversary? By saying it's entirely pointless!

VOY 3x02: Flashback, or TUVOKS FLASHBACK

Oh my.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Jun 17, 2014 1:52 am

Yay, Captain Sulu! Boo, Captain Janeway!

Red Shirt Count: 434
Actual Death Count: 39
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 131
Cameo Count: 42 (Oh my!)
Shut Up Wesley Count: 25

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -44
People: 127
Janeway'd: 5

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Jun 17, 2014 2:40 am

Janeway, your understanding of the prime directive is both laughable and harmful.

VOY 3x05: False Profits, or DAS WURMLOCH

Also, way to go, updating 7-year-old shitty TNG episodes!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Jun 17, 2014 2:43 am

Wow. You really fucked this one up. Bested by two Ferengi and their shuttle not once but twice and to top it off they re-strand you in the Delta Quadrant. Good job.

Red Shirt Count: 434
Actual Death Count: 39
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 131
Cameo Count: 42
Shut Up Wesley Count: 25

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -47
People: 127
Janeway'd: 6 (Oh my god, how could you possibly have fucked this up? There was a wormhole RIGHT THERE!)

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 12:10 am

This episode's serious message harmed by casting someone from Whose Line Is It Anyway

VOY 3x06: Remember, or DAS ERINNERN

B'lanna, solving problems through RAGE.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 12:14 am

THE REMEMBERING

We only kinda care about genocide here on Voyager unless it's broadcast by an obelisk of some kind. Also, how many freaking Star Trek plots deal with relocating people for some reason or another?

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 1:08 am

TOM PARIS HOLDS UP THE LEADER OF THE Q CONTINUUM WITH A PISTOL.

VOY 3x11: The Q and the Grey, or DIE Q-KRISE

Mira laughs at these so-called godlike beings. Laughs!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 1:13 am

In this episode, Voyager's Bridge Crew defeats the entire Q Continuum. What a steaming pile of garbage.

Also, when has Q ever had a hidden agenda!? Fuck you, Voyager.

Also, also: "No we'd rather find our way home the hard way BECAUSE." ~Captain Kathryn Janeway, Best Human Evar

Red Shirt Count: 434
Actual Death Count: 39
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 131
Cameo Count: 42
Shut Up Wesley Count: 25

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -47
People: 127
Janeway'd: 7 (HOW CAN YOU SETTLE A Q CIVIL WAR AND NOT ASK TO BE SEND HOME TO EARTH!?)

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 2:01 am

ASHLIE, don't go around killing the organics.

VOY 4x05: Revulsion, or DER ISOMOPRH

HoloHannibal, away!

by **Melpomene** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 2:02 am

What a sad excuse of a psychopath...

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 2:52 am

The Hansens: Worst parents ever.

VOY 4x06: The Raven, or DER SCHWARZE VOGEL

How the fuck did they get to the Delta quadrant?

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 2:56 am

THE BLACK BIRD (Really, translators? Really?)

The Delta Quadrant is apparently FULL of Alpha Quadrant shit.

Red Shirt Count: 434
Actual Death Count: 39
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 132
Cameo Count: 42
Shut Up Wesley Count: 25

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -9 (Wrecking more non-existent shuttles)
Torpedoes: -47
People: 127
Janeway'd: 7

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Jun 24, 2014 1:13 am

I like this planet. They seem nice.

VOY 4x24: Demon, or DÄMON

They're good people.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Jun 24, 2014 1:17 am

Don't spit in the primordial soup of other planets, Voyager. At least this Janeway probably won't get her people hopelessly lost.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Jun 24, 2014 2:10 am

CRAAAAWILNG IIIIIN MY SKIIIIIN

VOY 5x03: Extreme Risk, or EXTREME RISIKEN

And B'Elanna's crippling depression was never mentioned again.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Jun 24, 2014 2:15 am

Chipotle, that's not how you help someone with clinical depression. Braga, that's not what causes clinical depression, nor is all you need to be reminded of what's important to bootstrap your way out of it. Even Troy and Ezri weren't this terrible at dealing with mental issues. Though I'd recommend Vic Fontaine over either. In short, don't ever try to deal with serious issues again, Voyager, because you're at extreme risk of sucking at it.

Meanwhile, the villains from Captain Planet in their Fart Mobile are the dumbest Voyager bad guys.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Jun 24, 2014 3:01 am

Note to Voyager: Don't pick the Nazi doctor as your expert.

VOY 5x08: Nothing Human, or INHUMANE PRAKTIKEN

Really. A Cardassian doctor is unethical? What's next!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Jun 24, 2014 3:06 am

Pro-Tip: Don't recreate Space-Mengele to save the life of a member of the Space-French-Resistance.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Jun 26, 2014 12:03 am

Noooo, ship full of Wills, you all dieeeed...

VOY 5x18: Course: Oblivion, or ENDSTATION -- VERGESSENHEIT

How the HELL did the biomemetic duplicates get a complete copy of Voyager, complete with EMH who enjoyed photography?

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Jun 26, 2014 12:09 am

The goo briefly touched Voyager's landing gear and copied the ship's DNA.

And whatever interesting bits that previous episode might have claimed was just pissed down the drain by killing them all and making sure to stress the point that nobody will ever know. Good job, Voyager.

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Ship: 0
Shuttles: 0
Torpedoes: 0
People: 0
Janeway'd: 8

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Jun 26, 2014 12:55 am

Voyager, you really don't have the budget to do Klingon Hell.

VOY 6x03: Barge of the Dead, or DIE BARKE DER TOTEN

"Your hell is ALL OF OUR PREEXISTING SETS!"

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Jun 26, 2014 12:56 am

B'lanna, please stop self-harming over stupid shit. And Janeway, don't enable her.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Jun 26, 2014 1:41 am

I kind of love NotTuvok.

VOY 6x21: Live Fast and Prosper, or LEBE FLOTT UND IN FRIEDEN

Janeway, you can't say how you would never lie and wouldn't steal when you're actively lying and stealing.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Jun 26, 2014 1:44 am

NotTuvok was hilarious. Everything else was kinda boring and hypocritical.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Jun 26, 2014 2:30 am

G-g-g-g-g-ghosts!

VOY 6x25: The Haunting of Deck Twelve, or DER SPUK AUF DECK ZWÖLF

Like, zoinks, Neelix!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Jun 26, 2014 2:37 am

Spooky Space Spectre scaring susceptible space-sailors silly.

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Jun 28, 2014 1:55 am

The Borg: Not even threatening enough to provide an Act I terror.

VOY 7x02: Imperfection, or UNVOLLKOMMENHEIT

Seven of brain surgery.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Jun 28, 2014 1:59 am

Tension while raiding a Borg Cube? Other random dorks who also happen to raid Borg Cubes. Villains officially decayed beyond repair, even a cortical node transplant can't fix that.

And apparently this run is the "Seriously medical condition" run of Voyager.

Red Shirt Count: 434
Actual Death Count: 39
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 132
Cameo Count: 42
Shut Up Wesley Count: 25

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -9
Torpedoes: -47
People: 124 (Bye Borglings. Oh by the way, what happened to that Borg Baby?)
Janeway'd: 7

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 1:21 am

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO randomly have Alpha Quadrant races in the Delta Quadrant

VOY 7x14: Prophecy, or DIE PROPHEZEIUNG

Qapla', obvious footage from the movies.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 1:24 am

Some say she's the kuvah'magh and that she's killed ten thousand Borg in a single battle. All we know is she's called The Stig.

And all I know is that B'Elanna has reconnected with her Klingon side about as much as Worf has lost his honor. Voyager doesn't so much do plot arcs as they do plot-circles.

by **Altamira Vazquez** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 2:12 am

Ferris Qler's day out

VOY 7x19: Q2, or Q2

I sympathize with the boy.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 2:16 am

One week without powers seems like a common prescription for omnipotent woes.

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 3:00 am

So long, Hedgehog.

VOY 7x23: Homestead, or EINE HEIMSTÄTTE

I can't believe they ripped off Worf leaving the ship

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 3:04 am

Neelix is leaving the ship! Everybody do the Vulcan Shuffle!

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Jul 01, 2014 1:48 am

And now, the very first episode ever broadcast.

TOS 1x05: The Man Trap, or DAS LETZTE SEINER ART

Man, Nancy turned ugly.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Jul 01, 2014 1:52 am

Death by hickeys. Guess that's what you get when you do a Succubus kinda thing in the 60ies.

Red Shirt Count: 438 (None of them actually wore red uniforms though.)
Actual Death Count: 39
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 132
Cameo Count: 42
Shut Up Wesley Count: 25

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -9
Torpedoes: -47
People: 124
Janeway'd: 7

by **Altamira Vazquez** » Tue Jul 01, 2014 2:48 am

I demand equal treatment for Star Trekians with God-Like Powers!

TOS 1x07: Charlie X, or DER FALL CHARLY

And that little boy grew up to be....Charles Xavier. And now you know the rest of the story. Good day!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Jul 01, 2014 2:52 am

THE CASE CHARLIE

Dumb Teenager + Ultimate Power = Jackass
And then they require an omnipotent guardian to swoop in. Does the Phoenix have parents? >_>

Red Shirt Count: 438
Actual Death Count: 39
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 133 (Manly Men take their shirts off when they go to the gym!)
Cameo Count: 42
Shut Up Wesley Count: 25

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -9
Torpedoes: -47
People: 124
Janeway'd: 7

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Jul 04, 2014 1:14 am

Bang bang. BANG BANG.

TOS 1x11: Miri, or MIRI, EIN KLEINLING

It's just like Earth, for no apparent reason!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Jul 04, 2014 1:17 am

MIRI, A YOUNGLING

Why the fuck was it Earth? There's this planet not too far away that is exactly like Earth except they somehow created a lifespan-extending retrovirus in a shitty lab. Why is there another earth!? Why was THAT not the central mystery of the episode? Why is nobody bothering to look into that? Who the fuck wrote this!? It makes no sense!

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